Crazy Over You Page 20

  Abby felt like the whitewashed medieval walls were closing in on her. She looked up to the high ceiling and attempted to steady her breathing. She was amongst friends – well, colleagues really. Having shared a section on one of the coaches the party from school were all now sitting together, with the addition of Patty and a few of the others who had made it to Oxfordshire that morning. She glanced round at the stained glass windows. Everybody depicted on them looked so frightfully sombre, so very foreboding as if they were waiting, goading the sadness inside her to join their sorrow. Abby knew she was starting to panic and needed to calm herself down. She tried to think what Melissa would say. She had rescued her when she’d been on the verge of losing it before and always seemed to know how to help. But Melissa was secreted away. This was her day. Abby knew she’d just have to cope without her.

  A laugh from the right of the church broke her spiralling thoughts. It came from a pew of what looked like Adam’s rugby mates. Their broad, suited shoulders and match-battered faces were a giveaway. Either that or they must have had one hell of a stag do. Abby glanced from them to the mostly diminutive sized young women, wearing brightly coloured short summer dresses, filling the adjacent pew on Melissa’s side of the church. They had to be school or college friends. They all looked so fresh-faced and effortlessly glamorous as they waited excitedly for Melissa’s arrival. Abby felt horrible for not feeling excited for her friend. She couldn’t wait for this part to be over. In a fluster at how horrid she was being she dropped her order of service and watched helplessly as it slipped below the pew in front.

  “Oh God, oh Christ, oh bugger – sorry!”

  Guests from the pews directly in front of Abby turned, frowning, as she looked at the altar, convinced she was going to be struck down before the service even began. She pushed her foot under the offending pew in an attempt to drag the order of service back. As she did a sideways lean and crouch to see if she could see it she felt a tap on her arm from the pew behind.

  “Here, share mine.”

  A friendly face, a distraction! “Thanks Brad.”

  Abby had been avoiding him. She wasn’t entirely sure why but it seemed like a sensible thing to do. She sat away from him on the coach and had avoided searching for him in the throng as they entered the church and yet there he was, rescuing her again – albeit with a slightly amused grin on his face.

  As the door to the side of the church closed Abby jumped. Now there really was no escape. Adam and his best man took their places at the front of the congregation. The vicar stood at the front of the church and grinned. Abby held her breath. But it was a false start. Instead of starting the service he stood and introduced himself, tested his microphone and requested that everybody turn their mobile phones off as even on silent they could interfere with the PA system. Abby mused at how long it had been since she had been in a church and how things had obviously changed. Once everybody had finished fussing around, checking phones in bags and pockets, the vicar adjusted his robes and finally seemed ready. With a nod to the organist he motioned for everybody to stand. As the organ surged into life with Pachelbel’s Canon in D Abby’s heart pounded against the silk of her fit-and-flare Audrey Hepburn-inspired dress. She could feel sweat pricking more readily at her skin and started to worry that it might show on the delicate fabric. She fanned herself a little with Brad’s order of service and wished she had worn something more sensible, a jacket at least for hiding in as she melted into a sweaty pool of fractious nerves.

  The doors at the back of the church opened and the congregation turned as one to see Melissa, arm linked with that of her glowingly proud dad, and looking stunning. Inhaling at the sight of her captivated audience she smiled demurely through her diamante embellished Italian tulle veil. She had an air of serenity about her. It was such a contrast to the crazed bride-to-be she had become as the wedding had drawn near. This was it. Her moment, and Abby was pleased at least to see that she was going to enjoy it. With a reassuring smile she didn’t seem to need, Melissa’s dad squeezed her arm – a silent gesture checking she was ready. As Melissa nodded her agreement Abby’s first tear fell. She wiped at it with her hand and wished she had put more than three tissues in her bag. Taking a clutch bag had been a concession to achieving the perfect look for the day. Already she missed her usual rucksack – nothing sensible fitted easily into a clutch bag.

  Melissa moved gracefully along the aisle to adoring looks and coos of appreciation at her exquisite dress. Her diamante encrusted sweetheart bodice enhanced her petite curves and merged seamlessly with the rich satin fabric that draped across her waist and fell elegantly to the floor. Beneath her veil her wavy auburn hair was styled in a natural-looking up-do. Abby had advised Melissa to avoid anything new that might look weird in favour of a slightly more glamorous version of herself. Pleased for once to be on the giving as opposed to the receiving end of good advice she had never revealed it was actually Kennedy’s tip; seeing that Melissa had heeded the advice she felt a little guilty at having taken the credit. With soft tendrils framing her face and a faint braid going into a low, off-centre chignon Melissa had achieved a thoroughly romantic look that suited her more than any overly coiffed effort would have.

  Abby wiped her eyes and formed a smile as Melissa neared her pew. Catching her eye Melissa smiled and gave her a little nod. That simple gesture of kindness was enough to make Abby pleased she hadn’t yet fled the church. A lump formed in her throat as more tears threatened to fall. The bridesmaids went by in a blur as Abby wiped at her eyes with a shaky hand and attempted to hush her sniffles.

  Adam beamed, enchanted by his bride-to-be, obviously besotted; his eyes didn’t falter from her as she made her way towards him. His was a look of pure, untainted, untested love; full of desire, hope and promise. Abby remembered that moment well; how her breath had hitched when she saw Simon looking at her in that way. How nervous she had felt with all eyes on her, until she reached his side and held his hand. How right that had felt. When they had looked at each other and said their vows it had seemed like it was just the two of them standing there pledging their love for each other. It had all seemed so perfect. If only Disney had been right and happy-ever-after really did follow ‘I do!’ Now it all seemed so very long ago. So much had happened since. Not just the recent ugly things but also the happy things, the sad things, the wonderful things, the everyday things – life had marched on and now, before she had even realised, it might all be over. All that hope and promise lost. If only she could claw back that time.

  Abby let out a sob as large, wet tears hit the skirt of her dress. She hadn’t even noticed she had sat down – lost to her own thoughts she had followed the congregation. A woman in the pew in front turned to briefly stare. Abby was aware she looked a mess and as she wasn’t wearing a sign that said ‘this sadness is due to the mess of my own marriage’ she had to look like the most emotional friend of the bride ever! She took a shuddery breath in and decided she had to get a grip. With her final tissue she wiped at the spreading wet blobs on her skirt. The silk crinkled at the moisture – bastard fabric! Abby couldn’t believe it. She was a mess, she was trapped and all she could do was sit and try to contain herself while the vicar began the preface to the wedding. Wishing she really had been struck down she looked up at the miserable figure on the stained glass window. There, happy you got your own way? The demons are itching to come out to play!

  Her thoughts were halted as she felt a warm hand take hold of hers. Bradley swept his thumb reassuringly across the back of her hand and leaned across to wipe her sodden cheek with a clean tissue. Realising that blubbering was the antithesis of the response expected to this kind gesture she braved a smile, mentally shooing away all thoughts of demons as she let herself take comfort in his kindness.

  Abby tried hard to focus on the strokes of Brad’s thumb across her hand rather than the words being spoken: “That as man and woman grow together in love and trust, they shall be united with one another in heart, body and mind�
�”

  She had to focus on silencing the sarcastic voice in her head that wanted to mimic and mock the words.

  “… The gift of marriage brings husband and wife together in the delight and tenderness of sexual union and joyful commitment to the end of their lives. It is given as the foundation of family life in which children are born and nurtured, and in which each member of the family, in good times and in bad, may find strength, companionship and comfort.”

  Abby and Simon weren’t married in a church. The words weren’t the same but they had been similar; they had made lifelong commitments and promises to each other. She tried not to let the words sink in but the young vicar and his microphone were on a mission. Every word reverberated around her, bouncing off the ancient stone walls and ringing in her ears. She tried to quash her thoughts, pushing them away, feeling the rhythmic stroke of Bradley’s thumb, staring at the array of hats in front of her, the organist, the light that kept hitting the sequins on Melissa’s dress, fiddling with the Blissful Love buttonhole she hadn’t put on for fear of spoiling her dress – anything for a distraction. But the more she tried to push the thoughts away the more they wanted to be heard: Only if you don’t give up on it, only if you work at it together. Was it sarcasm about the past or a warning about the future? She didn’t know. Her head hurt.

  Chapter 32

  Abby had never felt more relieved to hear Mendelssohn’s Wedding March. At last the doors were thrust open and light flooded into the church. She welcomed the fresh air as it swept in. She felt like she could breathe again. She squeezed Bradley’s hand and thanked him sincerely before letting it go. They were sitting amongst colleagues. If it wasn’t too late after her performance, Abby hoped to keep gossip to a minimum. Brad had comforted her throughout the service, holding her hand, passing her tissues, glaring at anybody who stared whenever she couldn’t control her tears and discreetly putting in silly words during the hymns in an attempt to make her smile. His kind intervention had quashed the voices in her head and stopped her spiralling into panic.

  In readiness to leave the church, Abby opened her clutch bag and eased out her squished box of confetti. With that moved she could shove all her sodden tissues away. Despite her red eyes, blotchy face and tear-splattered dress she hoped to exit the church with some dignity still intact. As the bride and groom headed outside the bells rang out joyously. That was it: the service was officially over, it was almost time for a drink. Thank God! Oh sorry!

  After waiting patiently as what felt like the entire congregation edged slowly out of the church Abby practically burst out the door, hurdling Melissa’s wheelchair-bound auntie and forgetting to thank the vicar as she flew through the porch.

  He called after her, “Confetti outside the lychgate!”

  But she wasn’t headed towards the happy couple; she needed a moment. Tucking herself round the corner, by the ancient graveyard, she leaned against the cold stone wall of the church and took long, deep breaths. It was refreshing after the confinement of the church.

  Her dress was screwed up and still crinkled where her tears had hit. She decided that as much as she loved the shape and style of it, silk wasn’t her friend.

  “It’s eBay for you when we get home!” she announced, swiping her hands over the offending material.

  “That’d be a shame.”

  As Bradley sauntered round the corner Abby tried not to swoon at how very good he looked in his suit and tie. Wow! She wondered how she had missed that until now. It would have been a very welcome distraction. She attempted a sensible response.

  “I don’t know what I was thinking wearing silk.”

  “I think you look lovely in silk. I bet you feel good in it too.”

  Did he actually just say that? Abby’s cheeks blazed.

  Brad closed the gap between them. Abby held her breath.

  “There you are. Ooh, hello! Who’s this?”

  Both Abby and Bradley turned sharply to see Mindy heading towards them, breasts first.

  “Mindy. I didn’t know you were coming.” Abby felt her cheeks still blazing and stepped away from Brad as she flustered with introductions. “Mindy, Brad, Brad, Mindy.” Abby watched as Mindy took Brad’s hand, hoping she’d imagined her moving in closer so that her breasts were almost resting against his arm. Before she could stop herself Abby placed her hand on Brad’s arm and pulled him closer to her. It was ridiculous. She looked like she was about to start a tug of war over this man who wasn’t hers to claim.

  “Brad works with Melissa and me. He’s the PE co-ordinator.” She said, attempting to cover her move by continuing the introductions. As nobody spoke, she went on. “Mindy works for Lucy, Melissa’s cousin, at the Prrrrimp Your Hide salon. It’s for humans. Not pets.” Abby was aware she was rambling and over-introducing everybody. She forced herself to be quiet.

  Mindy laughed, flashing her white teeth. Brad looked at Abby and slightly grimaced. Abby couldn’t help but feel a little too pleased that he hadn’t been distracted by the sight of Mindy’s perfect teeth and cavernous cleavage.

  “Hey you!” Lucy appeared around the corner.

  Abby didn’t want to seem rude but her little quiet spot was getting busier by the minute. She offered a tight smile. “And here’s Lucy… the cousin.” She cringed, feeling suitably embarrassed by her own tone.

  “I waved at you inside, you were miles away.”

  Abby had been so preoccupied she hadn’t even thought to look for Lucy in the church. “Sorry Lucy, I was distracted.” She smiled at Brad, knowing he was aware of what a wreck she had been.

  Both Mindy and Lucy misinterpreted the look and spoke in unison, laughing and winking at Brad. “Ah-ha!”

  “It must be time for pictures,” Abby interjected, deciding that trying to correct their erroneous interpretation would probably just make the situation worse. Smiling, she headed back towards the front of the church hoping they would all follow.

  Abby watched as Melissa and Adam posed for rounds of photographs. She thought about her own wedding photograph in the drawer at home. She thought she might like to look at it again – maybe not put it up, but look at it. They had been babies when they married compared to the people they were now. She thought the girls might like to see it again; they always laughed at it, saying Mummy and Daddy looked funny.

  When the photos were finally over and the confetti had been thrown – respectfully beyond the lychgate – it was time to head back to the hotel. The coaches pulled up. Abby looked at Brad; she didn’t fancy getting on board with everybody else. She still needed a little space.

  “How far do you suppose it is back to the hotel?”

  “About three miles, I reckon. There’s a footpath that runs along the fields.”

  Three miles – not too bad. Hmm, now which footpath is that? “OK, thanks.” It was warm but Abby intended to change her dress when she got back anyway. If the walk made her too warm she could always grab a quick shower at the same time. She would only miss more drinks being served on the lawn while the happy couple were whisked off for private shots. She turned and started walking towards the road.

  “Wait. Why are you asking?”

  “I’m going to walk it. I need the space.” Abby felt instantly annoyed with herself – she didn’t need space away from him. She just couldn’t face being confined again on the coach.

  Brad looked a little deflated.

  “Walk with me if you like.” She surprised herself.

  Brad didn’t wait to be asked again and hurried after her.

  Five minutes down the road and after watching the coach disappear into the distance Abby’s feet were throbbing. She had worn her new shoes in on carpet; clomping them along a cobbled pavement felt quite different.

  “It’s no good, these have to come off!”

  Brad laughed as she slipped her shoes off and wiggled her toes.

  “It’s been bloody ages since I’ve worn shoes like this out.” Abby felt grit underfoot but her feet were more than happy to
be free.

  “The footpath is up here, it’ll be grass then. Do you need me to carry you?”

  “Pah!” Abby guffawed. “I’d break your back!”

  “I could piggyback you.”

  Well that seemed like a ridiculous idea, what would they look like? Abby was pretty sure that would definitely break his back, plus she’d have to hitch her skirt up and wrap her legs around him while his hands were on her thighs… hmmm!

  “No. No, no, I’ll be fine honestly. It’s refreshing walking barefoot.” She almost convinced herself.

  Once they were on the footpath, walking through a field, it really was refreshing. The grass was dry and tickly. It was peaceful, she felt relaxed and… happy. She reflected on how she had felt in the church: she had been on the verge of spiralling into panic and yet now she felt normal. It was such an improvement since the days spent engulfed by darkness, wallowing in her own sadness. The fact that it no longer consumed her in the same way made her feel more in control, like she was winning the battle.

  “So Mr Hunter, where is your plus one? Why are you here alone?” The question came without preamble; it seemed feeling at peace made her relax a little too much. As Brad winced, she regretted her lack of filter.

  “Honestly?”

  Honestly? Yes, honestly – why don’t men have honesty as their default setting? “Only if you want to tell me. Sorry… I wasn’t trying to pry.”

  “It’s OK. I’m surprised the gossip hasn’t got round at work already.”

  Ooh, was there gossip? Perhaps she had been too wound up in her own problems to hear it. “I haven’t heard anything.”